I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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