I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
