He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
