Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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