If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
