I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
