dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
foreskin is a definite game changer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
