he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
