life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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