I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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