Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
