I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
