At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
