I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
