I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
