Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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