Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
