thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
