I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
