Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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