Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
