Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
