New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
