The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
