If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
