why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Text me some of your sweat
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
