anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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