What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
