My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
