I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
