I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
