just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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