so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
