first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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