Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
