I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
