i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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