I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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