What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
