I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
