I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
