:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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