69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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