Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
