Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
