I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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