24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
