Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
