White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
