I puked a lego.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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