It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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