she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
