I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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