its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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