Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
